changes

amazing how fast things change. I told on Monday last week - it's been one week. in that time I have been sick, switchy, overwhelmed, lost time, not functioning, numb, functional and now happy. if this were an ad for bipolar i'd believe it was true. too many parts making too many changes. I like what a friend told me today tho - that things are like the waves on the beach with incoming tide. forward and backward but progress nonetheless. she says I have been making huge leaps forward lately and I should expect backward motion a little as I process. I like that. I sure hope she's right.

update - triggers - use caution

it's been a long time since I posted. i'm guessing that's a good thing as I usually post when things are difficult and therefore things must be getting better since I've not had the urge to post since March and it's May now. but oh i'm having a hard time today. INE is remembering the hardest memory of all - the last rape. we talked about it at therapy this last week. so much going on in my head. so much. INE feels responsible. but she was drugged and that was likely why she did what she did. she also feels like a failure for not dying when she was meant to die during that particular assault. he flat out told her that pretty much. add to that that she was "out" while I was trying to talk to a friend and I "came to" in time to see the friend had left thinking we were mad at them - because they were also having a hard time and INE is only a child and very self centered and didn't drop her own stuff for that friend the way I would have. now I have no way of explaining that to my friend because this whole DID thing is so crazy it just sounds like an insane excuse. ugh gracie