venting our anger

Ke'ev is a good venter. she learned how to rant and rave and use angry language in order to vent the anger to the point that it is vented well (privately of course) and we feel good. Rosie especially. (ahhhhhh) (sigh of relief)

what's happening

ok so i didnt confront my mother. it was hard and i wasnt able to do what i wanted to do. but the groundwork was laid. also - i finally told my dr that i wanted a new one. she said no. but i did it. i feel very empowered and brave today :)

severing the apron strings

so i am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ready to sever (yes, sever, not just cut) the apron strings. not just with my cell phone but to let this move my parents are making be that which creates the freedom for us to have our own life apart from their interference. not that they would not have grandchildren time, but that it would be far less obtrusive and more controlled by us than by them - with clear boundaries. yes, although it scares the poo out of me, i believe it's time. wow.

ugh

a cry of desperation. i am reading a book - the sociopath next door - to try to get some insight into the thought life of my father - some semblance of why answered - or at the very least - how could he. but no. other than a benal "lack of conscience" - there seems to be no answers. will i never understand? ugh.

(sigh of relief)

am at my retreat. am feeling better not worse. much much much better. i was freaking out earlier today because of a conversation but the person who i spoke to was so kind and gentle and sweet and the prayer she prayed so sincere and effective that i really do feel better. it is hard to believe. i told about my past to a perfect stranger. and although i ended up weeping and shaking uncontrollably - and although it put me into a panic attack right after the fact that i couldnt get out of without medication - i am actually doing very very well tonight. i did it. i told. and i didnt die. and i didnt si or even feel urges to do so. i have been kind to me since then and this has been such an incredible change. praise God. i feel no shame - none. wow. maybe i really AM healing!

ugh

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celebration of life / birthday party

ok so i heard a cool thing on the radio last night. the radio host has the same birthday as me - tomorrow - and she had the greatest idea so i want to see if i can implement it too. an international birthday celebration. to see if one can get as many people as you are old (those of you who know me know this is a big one) to join in random acts of kindness on the actual day. it's tomorrow - will anyone join me in celebrating life by doing something kind for someone else in my honor? thanks, me