Have you ever been conned? I'm realizing right now that I was. And it feels pretty terrible. Especially since I should have been able to trust the person that conned me.
It's like the frog in the pot. You turn up the heat slow and they never jump out because they never realize what is happening and suddenly their a willing participant in their own destruction. What a terrible thing to do. What an awful, horrible, terrible thing to do.
Man, this hurts.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Justice
My church is part of a neighborhood watch group. The neighborhood it is located in is in a rough part of town. We allow the people who live closeby to use our building to meet and discuss keeping the area safe. Recently they had the local police involved in an issue and it got me to thinking...
There was an issue with drug dealers in this one house. The cars were in and out of that house faster than a fast food place at lunch time. People all the time coming and going. It was obvious even to the most naive person what was happening there. The neighbors were irate at the police. The officers were well aware of what was happening and yet it seemed that nothing was being done. Time and again the people would call and ask for the place to be cleaned up and taken care of and yet they saw no action at all, not one arrest, the police would rarely even make an appearance if at all.
But I was privy to the behind the scenes. My Pastor is also a chaplain with the sherriff's department, so he called in to see what strings he could pull to care for the people we are trying to reach. The answer astounded me. The police were indeed very aware of what was happening. Unlike appearances, they had been watching that house for a long time and were very astute as to what was happening. Taking license numbers, photos, documenting who came and went. Watching. But they were waiting. They were aware of the bigger picture. They understood our court systems and the criminal minds and the way the whole thing works. They weren't in it just to catch the druggies coming and going, they were waiting so they could nab the source of the problem and shut it down completely. They understood that with patience they would be able to make a much larger difference and possibly shut the operation down entirely rather than simply causing it to relocate to another neighborhood. It was important, though, that no one knew about their research. So the neighbors had to be left in the dark, thinking they were abandoned and forgotten, because if it became known that undercover cops were in the area then the bust would not be effective.
Because I've been so sick, I don't know if they ever finished the job. Being out of the loop lately, I don't know. But I was reading my Bible this morning. Praying about my issues with God and my father and abuse in general and how He can let it happen. Psalm 97 says that righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne and that He guards the lives of this faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked. And I was asking God, how this can be true and yet so many innocent people, especially children, suffer for years and years without relief... how can this be just?
And He brought to mind the situation with the police. He is indeed in charge. And those who oppress will indeed be brought to justice. We see the temporary. We see the "right now". It is very sad that people have to suffer the way that they do. And I may never have an answer as to why life on this planet has to be the way that it is. But God IS just. And we all will have a day when we stand before His throne and answer for our lives and our choices. I have to trust that He is working behind the scenes and that, even if it is not until eternity, He WILL set things right. His name is Emmanuel - God with us - He has not abandoned or neglected or turned away. I have to trust in that. Even when I can't see it.
This is most definitely easier said than done. But necessary nonetheless as I, too, will stand before Him and have to answer.
God,
Help me to grieve and cry and pour out my pain on your altar. Help me to heal. Help me to let it out. But also, please help me to keep my own heart right in the process and to trust You regardless. As I seek to put together the broken pieces, may they fall into the order that YOU have planned so that I need not be crushed again.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
There was an issue with drug dealers in this one house. The cars were in and out of that house faster than a fast food place at lunch time. People all the time coming and going. It was obvious even to the most naive person what was happening there. The neighbors were irate at the police. The officers were well aware of what was happening and yet it seemed that nothing was being done. Time and again the people would call and ask for the place to be cleaned up and taken care of and yet they saw no action at all, not one arrest, the police would rarely even make an appearance if at all.
But I was privy to the behind the scenes. My Pastor is also a chaplain with the sherriff's department, so he called in to see what strings he could pull to care for the people we are trying to reach. The answer astounded me. The police were indeed very aware of what was happening. Unlike appearances, they had been watching that house for a long time and were very astute as to what was happening. Taking license numbers, photos, documenting who came and went. Watching. But they were waiting. They were aware of the bigger picture. They understood our court systems and the criminal minds and the way the whole thing works. They weren't in it just to catch the druggies coming and going, they were waiting so they could nab the source of the problem and shut it down completely. They understood that with patience they would be able to make a much larger difference and possibly shut the operation down entirely rather than simply causing it to relocate to another neighborhood. It was important, though, that no one knew about their research. So the neighbors had to be left in the dark, thinking they were abandoned and forgotten, because if it became known that undercover cops were in the area then the bust would not be effective.
Because I've been so sick, I don't know if they ever finished the job. Being out of the loop lately, I don't know. But I was reading my Bible this morning. Praying about my issues with God and my father and abuse in general and how He can let it happen. Psalm 97 says that righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne and that He guards the lives of this faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked. And I was asking God, how this can be true and yet so many innocent people, especially children, suffer for years and years without relief... how can this be just?
And He brought to mind the situation with the police. He is indeed in charge. And those who oppress will indeed be brought to justice. We see the temporary. We see the "right now". It is very sad that people have to suffer the way that they do. And I may never have an answer as to why life on this planet has to be the way that it is. But God IS just. And we all will have a day when we stand before His throne and answer for our lives and our choices. I have to trust that He is working behind the scenes and that, even if it is not until eternity, He WILL set things right. His name is Emmanuel - God with us - He has not abandoned or neglected or turned away. I have to trust in that. Even when I can't see it.
This is most definitely easier said than done. But necessary nonetheless as I, too, will stand before Him and have to answer.
God,
Help me to grieve and cry and pour out my pain on your altar. Help me to heal. Help me to let it out. But also, please help me to keep my own heart right in the process and to trust You regardless. As I seek to put together the broken pieces, may they fall into the order that YOU have planned so that I need not be crushed again.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Sad
Haven't disappeared, y'all. I know it's been a while. Just overwhelmed with the sad of it all. Trying to pray and hold on and walk it one breath at a time, but it's left me with little to say - I'm just sad.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
The Silver Lining
Ah, our Sweet God has finally shown me the silver lining...
The silver lining is the part that makes the pain worth it. So I have a silver lining to my belly pain - and it's wonderful. :-)
All this time with all this emotional pain, I've kind of isolated myself from everyone around me but tried to keep up with the daily demands and hectic schedule that is my life - tried to juggle all of it at once. Hard to make progress running like that. It occurred to me that this belly pain was timed perfectly to carve out the space and time I needed in order to process the memories that have recently hit and all of the emotions that have come with them. I don't know that I ever would have done that for myself on my own... so I can praise God that He had a purpose in it. And I figure, even if they didn't find anything this surgery, that this means that God really does have a plan in this. For the first time, I actually have peace about whatever happens next.
Praise God!
The silver lining is the part that makes the pain worth it. So I have a silver lining to my belly pain - and it's wonderful. :-)
All this time with all this emotional pain, I've kind of isolated myself from everyone around me but tried to keep up with the daily demands and hectic schedule that is my life - tried to juggle all of it at once. Hard to make progress running like that. It occurred to me that this belly pain was timed perfectly to carve out the space and time I needed in order to process the memories that have recently hit and all of the emotions that have come with them. I don't know that I ever would have done that for myself on my own... so I can praise God that He had a purpose in it. And I figure, even if they didn't find anything this surgery, that this means that God really does have a plan in this. For the first time, I actually have peace about whatever happens next.
Praise God!
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