yup. that's about it. i'm sad.
progress is being made. i'm going from twice a week to twice a month in therapy. my therapist says i've gone from victim to survivor to thriver. the flashbacks and nightmares are backing way off and everything is good.
yippee skippy.
so why do i feel like everything in all the world is falling apart. i cant shake the sad. the deep, sinking, drowning feeling of depression that quietly sucks me under and i can no longer breathe. nothing is bringing me pleasure. all i want to do is cry and sleep. i have absolutely no reason to feel this way but i wish i were dead and life were over.
please pray for me. i just no longer care. i cant cry out for help because there is nothing to be rescued from. nothing but this life crushing, soul grinding, never ending sad. sad for the childhood i never had. sad for the love i never got. sad sad sad sad sad sad sad.
:((
1 comment:
Hi Ang,
I know I'm late commenting on this but I've been thinking of you a lot lately. I think change is so hard, especially when it's a change to something we've relied on so deeply to get us through such awful stuff. I'm feeling similarly with my graduation from IOP. They tell me I'm ready to go face the world and that I don't need such intensive therapy anymore. It feels good to hear but it's also terrifying and left me with a lot of what the hell do I do now? Anyway, I think it's natural to feel lost when we're losing something we've held on to for so long. I know when I started IOP it was literally my lifeline and I was gripping on by my fingernails cus I didn't know what else to do and was pretty sure if I let go I'd be dead. So reaching a point of not needing it is weird to say the least. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. A lot of people tend to relapse or go back to old behaviors when their level of support lessens so just be aware and ask for help when you need it. You know I'm here any time.
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