been reading David Pelzer books

so i've been reading David Pelzer's books. I finished - A Child Called "It" - and - A Man Named Dave - and am now beginning - Help Yourself.

i have to admit that they have been very challenging reading because his story carries levels of abuse comparable to mine. but he managed to make something of himself regardless of his past and i am determined also to do the same.

but for today, the sad is debilitating. i just cannot comprehend how a parent can do this - participate in this - and SHARE this level of abuse and not be instantaneously vaporized or something. a dear dear friend of mine is also facing the same levels of sad in her life but her's comes with anger that wishes for vengence - or at the very least, justice. i feel for her so much because i understand. i may be crippled when it comes to anger, but i appreciate her ability to feel it because it's true - it's just flat out WRONG that these people - so many people!!! - these "people" are allowed to continue to exist is revolting!

i wish i had a place to tell my story where people would feel anger like that over what happened to my friend and me - and to David - and all the others. people dont listen. they dont get it. i wish they would. i wish for once the anger that my friend feels would be felt in our honor for our abusers - anger that causes people to act and change the world. to make a difference for the children who are suffering today and who will suffer tomorrow if something isnt done.

in the mean time, i made it out of bed and out of the house to do an errand today. didnt manage to bathe first so i really didnt want to see people, but had to see them anyway. and managed to get stranded in the process. so had to depend on God's mercy and people's pity to get me out of a very dangerous situation this afternoon. am safe now tho. and home again. sitting here on my couch wishing i'd not gotten out of bed today. feeling the sad wash over me wave upon wave. wishing i didnt feel so very...

alone.