another update to tell you how i'm doing.
more and more days without flashbacks and nights without nightmares. this is good. i am so so thankful.
still, the sad endures. i have a lot to be sad about. it's gonna take a while to process these feelings - i know not the depth or width of this ocean of tears - only that it exists and that the space i have inside with which to hold it is far too small...
a lot to think about. a lot to consider.
a marriage with a lot of problems. a nest of children that need a mother. and a congregation of little ones that need someone stable to care and love them. still i have issues. and i cannot possibly attend to all those who seem to need me if i dont tend to my own inside children... my selves who hurt so badly.
i need to learn the word no. while the world (and the church) screams yes at the top of it's voice.
i need. (sigh) need... good days are good things and i know it's a sign of progress, but the sad just... yeah.
shutting up now.
sorry.
1 comment:
No need to be sorry at all. Glad to hear from you and hear how you're doing, good bad or otherwise. You're right that you have plenty to be sad about but I'm hoping and praying that over time there will be more good and happiness to fill those spaces. For now though, don't deny yourself the chance to feel the sadness. I think it's something we need to do. Know I'm thinking of you, even though I haven't been too good about being in touch lately.
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