Just got home. It's way late at night and I should be in bed but I'm grieving for a close friend of mine. I just got back from sitting with her while she wept because her husband is leaving her just in time for Christmas. She has no predictable income without him - her employment is part time temporary - she has 3 teenage boys to look after and she's beside herself. Not only that, but the bum is so mentally off balance she has reason to believe he may do himself in. And I can't console her because I know what it's like to deal with a man that way and there really are no guarantees - sometimes they do follow through.
I wish I knew what to say. How to comfort her. How to promise her it will be okay when everything around her screams otherwise.
Why does life get unjust? Why is free choice allowed as much leash as it is that it has to leave people devastated that way? Why are there so few ways to make it better?
I'd go through everything to spare her the pain. I have my own set of issues to deal with - been flashing back every time I shut my eyes all evening. (Do you know how hard it is to be in a prayer meeting and not close your eyes? Or to sit there and not freak out when the world spins and screams around you but you know you aren't supposed to leave?) But none of my junk helps her or anyone else. If anything, her stuff helped me because it got my mind off of it for a little while. But now I'm benefitting from her pain - how wrong is that?
I just wish there was something I could do or say. Or that by praying I could convince God to do something to make it better for her right NOW.
I'm so stinking powerless it's driving me nuts.
Why, God?! Why is life so hard? How are we supposed to do it?
I wish there were answers.
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