God is so good. He knows when enough is enough. I'm so glad!
What's the point in doing the right thing? Standing before God with a clear conscience! Regardless of what the world does, I will answer only for me.
Does what I do matter? I have to believe it does. It mattered for me that someone cared enough to offer hope. And it matters when people care now. Like a good friend of mine said, if I didn't still have a purpose, why am I still here?
Why keep going? Because life won't always be like this - this pain cannot last forever - it's a tunnel, not a pit, and the uphill battle means I'm pointed in the right direction.
Tonight at church, I was standing in my pew, weeping as usual.
It was like I stood there with God in the front and my father behind.
God said, "Lift up your hands."
I was hesitant. This is not something I do well. But I put them out.
God said, "No - lift them all the way up - stretch them out - reach for Me." Again, I hate to put them up all the way. And I was feeling very uneasy at the thought of my father - it was like he was standing there, looking over my shoulder. I was afraid.
One more time, God encouraged me,
"Raise them up. This is how you'll get free of him."
So I did. It was really hard but I kept them up.
And He met me there.
And poured hope into my heart.
And just as I'm breathing it in, the worship leader chimes in saying, "There's your hope!" (oh if she only knew...)
and God showed me:
As much as I was damaged by the acts of my earthly father unto death and hopelessness, I am now healed and set free by the acts of my Heavenly Father unto life.
I belong to Him. I am changed. I am chosen. I am truly LOVED.
THIS is what I choose to be defined by from this point forward.
I was crushed. But no more.
I'm going to be okay because God is a whole different category of dad.
And yeah, the battle's going to continue. But I'm going to be alright.
Praise God.
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