Power

I'm so tired.

Physically tired - my kids have both been sick and have been high need, Saturday was Sam's birthday party, my house is a disaster from caring for everyone but me, church stuff is calling, my friend lost her mother and has the funeral on Tuesday, my kids have a big deal school function tomorrow and there's an outreach on Friday to prepare for. I'm worn out and I've just gotten started! And I totally missed the baby shower this weekend and am feeling guilty for it but I'm just exhausted. And then I totally disagreed with a vocal person in Sunday School today but didn't have the nerve to speak up and say what was on my heart because I know I can't outtalk him. But what I had to say was valid. So I'm kicking myself for not saying it because he needed to hear the point. Ugh.

More than the physical, I'm worn out emotionally. This is a tough battle. The ups and downs are really wearing on me. I'm not giving up, I've come too far... I'm just worn out. Tired of being depressed. Tired of banging my head (figuratively) against the wall trying to make progress. Tired of everything. I wish I could just pray and be healed - poof - just like that. And just when I feel like no progress will ever come, God gives hope.

I'm so glad.

The worship today was filled with songs about God setting us free (I so needed that!) and then the message was all about having God's peace (need that too!). The scripture at one point in the message was John 16:33, "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (Aha - He wants us to have peace - He has overcome our troubles already - this is good...) Then, the preacher made the point that when we walk and live in God's peace, it crushes the devil. At first I didn't get it, how my state of mind really matters in the long run to anyone but me, but then suddenly I understood. A lightbulb moment. When I finally get free of this, I saw how free I really will be. Because when I have my head on straight and begin to see things God's way, and really trust God like I should, then the whispers and lies I'm battling really will have NO MORE POWER. Wow. Can you imagine? It was just a little glimpse into how possible this really is with God. A ray of hope - hey, this CAN work. I CAN get through it. I WILL walk victorious one day. And if THAT'S possible, then maybe the God kicks butt and I can be used to make a difference part can happen too!

Praise God for building my faith. I needed that.

Now all I've got to do is hold on and keep walking it. Keep replacing the lies with His truth and hold on tight. I'm still worn out, but I see the light.

I'm so glad....