Sacrifice

I've always believed that self sacrifice was the highest act of love - the most holy way of life - ultimately what God wants for all of us - the way to victory. I'm finding myself really wondering about that today.

Maybe I'm thinking this way because I'm fighting major mood swings and I'm seriously depressed. Maybe I'm just too cynical today because of the events going on around me. I don't know.... But I wonder... is all of this for naught? Why bother?


Really, if selfishness rules in this world, is any of the sacrifice we put ourselves through worth it?


If we give all that we have to put others first, thinking that this is how we should live, only so they can live better and we stay forever in need - how does that help anyone?


If we go crazy doing everything we can to try to help kids live better, only to have those who should care the most throw them away, and then they (like me) spend the rest of their lives feeling worthless because the most influential people they know never cared in the slightest - is all of our heartache REALLY making any difference at all?


If we act in selfless ways, sacrificing all our time and energy, putting our needs last, and putting everyone else first, only to find the needs we work to eliminate grow larger and more impossible every day and our own hearts more miserable and alone, have we really done anything good?

Let's face it, selfishness rules in this world. And doing the right thing is NOT contagious. If I live my life as a passionate doormat, giving everything I have and am to make everyone else's life better - will any of it make any REAL difference?

And if everything I do is so easily undone by other people, what's the point in even trying? What's the point at all?

God, as I sit here and type on this blog, please forgive me for being so cynical and overwhelmed. I know that NOT doing those things isn't right either. Help me, Lord! I feel like the scriptures in Ecclesiastes - meaningless - everything is meaningless. Help me find the point! You know my heart - You know I WANT to do what's right. You know how much pain I'm walking in because of being stomped on in the name of other people's selfishness and because of watching other people suffer likewise. Show me the way, God. Help me find a way to hold on and keep going! In Jesus name...