Okay, regardless of how melancholy I feel inside, it's thanksgiving. If I didn't post a thankful post, it just wouldn't be right. And after the last thankful list, I believe I need to have put a wee bit more thought into this one... So here goes:
1- I'm thankful for the family I have left. Even if things are tense with my step-dad, I am still in such a better place than I used to be. I'm very thankful for that.
2- I'm thankful that in the recent losses of family and friends, none of them died in trauma and all of them left peacefully and went on to be with Jesus. Although I miss them, they went the way God intended and they are all sitting at a much better table today.
3- I'm thankful that I can finally see the progress I'm making. My most recent bout with panic attacks and nightmares and the like only left me paralized a couple of days - this is much better than the months (or rather, years) on end that I've battled before. I can breathe today. That's progress. And I'm very thankful that I'm moving forward through this pain to a positive end. The light at the end of the tunnel is NOT another train.
4- I'm thankful I live in a place where I can have the space I need to work things out. My church family is willing to work around not having me running for them like I used to, my physical family is also doing their best to do the same, our finances are in a place where we can still eat if I don't work this month, and I have been blessed to live near a place that is donating the counseling I need to move on.
5- I'm thankful for my support system. I'm not alone. God has blessed me with several very good friends that are lifting me up in prayer daily and that encourage my heart no matter how discouraged I get. And so far, not one of them is screaming that I'm driving them as crazy as I feel like I am. It's like I have my own cheering section. That is an amazing gift.
6- Yes, 6, it's thanksgiving and this is the most important one and it can't be left out...I'm thankful for my God. He loves me regardless. He goes to great lengths to show it. And He has carried me so patiently my whole life. He never tires. He never complains. He always loves and always sends hope. He never gets frustrated because he knows I'm just dust and I'm doing my best. And He sees the end and has already set up the future to bring me there. Above all circumstances, He has my best interests at heart and actually has the power to set things right. I choose to trust Him regardless of what time and space constrict in my viewpoint. He is worthy to be not only trusted but PRAISED.
What more could I ask for? I'm blessed. Which leads me to the last one:
7 (yes, 7!) - I'm beginning to see it. The darkness isn't as dark as it was.
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