Don't really know what to say here. I just realized tonight I've not updated this in a while. It's been a crappy week and it's only Tuesday. Just been trying to hide under a rock - my goal in life has been to keep breathing. Such a sorry goal, but that's the best I could do this week.
Continuing to process the anger. Unfortunately, haven't done so well at managing the anger at me. Haven't cared so much about being angry at anyone or anything else, although my counselor says I should be focusing it on where it belongs and seeing that I don't deserve blame. I know it academically but feeling it is a whole other thing.
Decided last night that this was taking me far from where I really want to go. Things were just getting far to dark for the level of depression I'm fighting. Not safe. Taking a break from all of it this afternoon and finding distraction. Have a better day planned for tomorrow too.
Will be so glad when Thanksgiving is over. Not that I'm not thankful, but that I'm not looking forward to the motions of the holiday. It's going to be very empty this year with the last of my grandparents gone and most of the family out of town. So just my parents, Darin & I and our kids. This means my step-father gets to do his control thing and focus on us since there won't be a crowd to disappear into - I just really would like to skip that part, especially this year. I'll be glad when it's over.
Besides all that, life is okay. My thankful list is shallow today because I'm just too tired to give it much effort. I'll get past this, I know. I just need some space right now to work it through...
1- I'm thankful that it can't stay this dark forever.
2- I'm thankful that Thanksgiving is only one day.
3- I'm thankful that I have stuff to do to keep distracted.
4- I'm thankful that my dogs know just when I need a snuggle.
5- I'm thankful that it's time to go back to bed.
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