Alright. My friends are right. Fighting this only prolongs it. As much as I don't want to admit it, the only way out is through. I've searched and searched for the back door and found that it doesn't exist. No escape. I resign myself to face it so I can finally be done someday. I admit that I'm petrified. The idea is terrifying. Flashing back and reliving these things is horrendous. But running a gazillion miles an hour 24/7 and never allowing myself to rest is something I can't keep up with anymore either. So I give up. God, I give up in a good way. Have Your way. I surrender. Please don't hurt me... I'll try not to fight.
The following song, "If You Want Me To," was emailed to me by a dear friend. Ginny Owens sings it. Her words are better than mine...
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the sufferin' Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to
When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to
1 comment:
Praying for ya...
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