this is so hard

this is so stinking hard. i'm overwhelmed. can't breathe. can't think. can't function. belly is screaming but my heart cries louder.

the flashbacks i've been so dreading finally came. i should be proud of me for surrendering and allowing them and dealing with them. it was better than i thought it would be - and God was there with me thru it. but it's still aweful. terrible.

flashed through the whole thing all night last night. feel like i've been physically through it too. i'm so sore.

today, i'm just a big, wet, gooey ball of tears and sorrow. feel used up, wadded up and left for dead.

guess that's really all i had to say today. i know i'll heal. i know last night was a step in the right direction. but today, it stinks - it hurts - and it's hard. today, i hate my life.

just had to get it out there. venting it helps. i'm not so alone when i can say how bad it feels... i'll make it through...