confused

hey so confused. have spent the last week in flashback mode. i know it's because i'm writing my book. and that i'm going to have to ask for help if i'm going to finish it, but i'm determined to be able to do this and do it well. so i'm writing my story in detail. i have 22 pages so far. but the editing to make it reasonable to read is so difficult. ugh. on page 14 so far - but have been working on it for months. ouch. part of me says no no no no no this is not possible to have happened. and part of me says how can it not be true with all of the flashbacks and pain and stuff. i'm so so so confused. going back to bed. my only respite is hiding under the pillows and fading in and out of consciousness. ugh.