things are looking up

ok so here's what's been going on SINCE i posted those pictures. i was in a VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY dark place but i've been getting better since. have been processing the anger and it's internal and external consequences. wounded on both of those fronts, but healing.

have taken a load of time to reflect. have done some additional art in the way of expressing my feelings and finally feel unburdened enough from it to be able to say with some certainty that i'm on the up side of this now.

something i read in a dear friend's blog this morning really hit home regarding my battle with self injury... whatever i'm going thru was awful, yes and unfair and wrong and all those things. but that doesnt mean i have to SI. i am beginning to see that although it helps me cope in the moment, it does nothing for me in the long run and only hinders my healing. it sounds so simple a statement that i should have seen this a long time ago - and it's not that it's not been pointed out to me bluntly enough or any of that. it's just that i'm suddenly seeing it in a new light and it's making an awful lot of sense.

yes, i messed up and hurt myself again this past week. but that doesnt mean i have to do it again. i choose instead, to see the long term progress of several months free with only a couple of mistakes. and that's all they are, mistakes - not long term statements about my value as a person.

standing on my own today and feeling good about myself as a person - getting a lot of chores accomplished and looking forward to the future. have a conference on healing from DID this weekend. looking forward to going into it with a clear head so that i can learn as much as possible and come out of it even stronger.

yes, things are looking up.