Thursday, January 19, 2012

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i am angry. so stinking angry. angry enough that cuss words are flowing thru my head without me intending to. (not out my mouth so much but i hate they're in my head).

angry at my mother. for not hearing me. for abandoning me and not caring when i needed her most. for not taking the time to know what was happening and for not caring enough to know now either.

so angry i'm dreaming of si. in cruel and inhumane ways. in harsh, bloody, raggedness. and .... oh God and.... and wishing for death again. it's in my heart and in my head and in my thoughts.

i am angry now at me. not my mom. because i just cant get it right.

i need help.

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