(sigh of relief)

am at my retreat. am feeling better not worse. much much much better. i was freaking out earlier today because of a conversation but the person who i spoke to was so kind and gentle and sweet and the prayer she prayed so sincere and effective that i really do feel better. it is hard to believe. i told about my past to a perfect stranger. and although i ended up weeping and shaking uncontrollably - and although it put me into a panic attack right after the fact that i couldnt get out of without medication - i am actually doing very very well tonight. i did it. i told. and i didnt die. and i didnt si or even feel urges to do so. i have been kind to me since then and this has been such an incredible change. praise God. i feel no shame - none. wow. maybe i really AM healing!