flashbacks to the max

having a hard time. have talked to my hubby and worked out a temporary solution but the flashbacks are still going like crazy. hating having such awful things in my head. if there were ever a time to cut like crazy, it would be now... i feel so filthy and awful... but i know that's not going to change anything besides get me deeper into trouble. just helps to say it, i guess. going back to hiding under the covers now :(