so it was likely drug induced. i've not found anything on seizures online that can describe anything close to this... closest description i can find is that it may have been related to some psychedilic hallucinogen like LSD.

that scares the snot out of me.

i just dont know where this is gonna end.

one other friend suggested it's migraine related instead. apparently they can mess with all the senses too but not to the extreme i am dealing with. idk but it's happening right now with my eyes and i'm freaking out.

very afraid

there's this thing that happens to me - been happening since i was young. i always thought i was just weird and lacked words to describe it because it's a sensory overload thing. anyway, it's been happening again so i mentioned to my t and described it as best as i could - apparently it sounds like some kind of drug-induced problem from when i was abused or seizure related activity. i could lose driving privileges which means losing my whole irl support system including therapy... i am scared to death. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12 days

twelve good days before the bad hit again. twelve days of christmas? idk - it was a gift anyway.

stuck back in the pits of why. feeling very much like hurting myself. knowing that i shouldnt. confused. hurt. sad sad sad.

:(

more good

just had to blog again - we're now at five good days, which is amazing. and my dear friend had a good one yesterday too. it feels so great. i am so so blessed. you know what else is great? i'm not afraid for the other shoe to drop. i'm just enjoying the good. ahhhhhhhhhh!

Sweet Relief

a very dear friend of mine posted a story on her blog that taught me something new today - that each moment of good needs to be celebrated. i have had a couple of days of good lately and am STILL in the good right now. it is such a sweet relief after my time of struggling so so hard lately. so i am celebrating two good days - and ten days (or so) without si. wanted to share it with you. i am consciously taking note of the good so that when i look back on this journey i remember that light was scattered in places all along the journey - God is so very good to me. :)