update

ok - still suffering a huge lack of words but it's time to do what i can to update you all on where i am at...

finally got angry. still misplaced anger but at least its present and not aimed at myself.

in the process of dealing with the anger, i discovered something wonderful. it finally made it from my head to my heart that all the stuff they called me were lies. that i really am a human being and a real person who has a right to exist and to feel and to be.

unfortunately the breakthru didnt last long... four days.... and then the flashbacks came back with a passion and another big deal problem, one i dont feel comfortable revealing here... but that my t says is "normal". anyway, i've been in a very bad place and have been very self destructive. the pain is incredible inside and i've just not known what to do to make it so i can breathe thru.

so i'm back to treading water.

sorry the news couldnt be better,
me