lately

so i've decided to make this september better than in years past. it's always a hard month for me - is the same month my father chose to do most of the abuse, to try to get rid of me, and to end his own life. is very triggering to say the least.

so - i've made two lists - one of reasons to keep going and keep working on healing and the other of healthy coping skills to do instead of unhealthy ones. i've removed all of my self injury tools from the house and had a friend throw them away for me so i can go after them. and i've set me up a network of real people to talk to 24/7 if i have need as well.

am feeling very prepared and ready to tackle the first task of therapy homework. containing the pain in my father's memory in a concrete way.
just finding and printing and old pic has been difficult but i want to heal so badly... besides next step is to hammer as many nails as i like into his picture... and then hotglue him inside an airtight container and bring him to therapy to leave him there.

well, i guess that's a good update for now. i've got to go.

thanks for reading, y'all - your support means the world to me.

Group Therapy

Group was especially good today. felt included and worthwhile. then when it was over, none of us felt ready to leave so we hung out a while and i made a friend with one of the members of the group. we talked for about an hour.

not going to include conversation topics here because i want to leave her comments in her hands, not mine, but i WILL say that it was so therapeutic for me.

and although there will be no group next week, they are allowing us to have double group this week. will see them all again on Thursday evening. :)

Praise God for a good day AND progress made.

Is ANYBODY out there?

just feeling alone and pointless in the world... wondering if anyone actually reads this thing anymore or if it's back to being an online journal...?