As My Mind Spins....

So i ran out of my meds this week, which spun me out of control again. Nightmares are back to several a night instead of just one. Dizzy, disoriented, and an emotional mess, it's been a real bad week. Not to mention the reappearance of a major panic attack that greeted me last Tuesday - been a very long time since i had one that bad. Also, my dissociation is up and seems to happen at the worst of times....

Dissociated at the park with the kids the other day - woke up and had no clue where they were or how long i'd been "gone". It was a terrifying feeling, not to mention how inadequate it made me feel to be the only one responsible for not only my own kids, but also Sam's little friend, only to realize because of me, they'd been left unsupervised anyway. They turned out to be safe and ok, but seriously, i cant have this happening while i'm responsible for little lives!

Then today i went to group and dissociated there too. The only thing i can remember that i got from it (group is 90 min long) was that i told about my bad week and they heard and sympathized. After that... it's fuzz. the "good" news? when i woke up, it was time to leave, so i was present enough to drive myself safely home. ugh.

anyway. just had to vent that out. not really sure how it affects anyone except that i've just embarrassed myself seriously. but at least it's out.

(sigh)