having even more trouble coping. losing it to the point people are making comments about it. even acquaintences. so...finally managed to tell my counselor. her advice has been to get up out of the bed and push myself to function regardless of how i feel and also to see my doctor about an adjustment in my medications. sounds so simple. not so simple to live. have spent the last four days giving the advice my all - have run my little heart out the last four days. keeping commitments, doing chores, being social, all the things i did when i was well. but no. nothing. no change. if anything, at the end of the day i am having LESS hope and LESS ability to cope - feeling WORSE. takes tremendous amounts of energy to act fine when you truly aren't. urges to hurt myself growing stronger with the downward spiral. still fighting but wont' lie - it's harder every day. just dont know how much strength i have left. soonest i can get in to see my dr is a week from thursday so ive got to keep up some semblance of hope "as is" till then - they will not adjust meds over the phone.
anyway, this is where i am. losing my grip. clinging to the rope with all the strength i have left but am down to the knot. crying out for mercy. could really use some help.
1 comment:
Keep up the good work! I belive in you and I am praying for you! Everyday
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