oh well

so i realized today that it's been three wonderful weeks of good. just about anyway. but the good was facade i think - the aha moments still apply. and that's wonderful. but somehow, some way while i was rejoicing over that, denial snuck back in and that's why the good has been facade like - artificial - wrong. see - i'm still tied to my past. it never went away, it just went into hiding. sorry. back to bummerville.

aha moments :)

therapy went sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much more smoothly today and i've had a series of aha moments. here's what made it from my head to my heart today: 1 - I am NOT crazy !!!!!!!!! this is amazing as i've struggled with this since i was 15 2 - if #1 is true, then i can do anything with God including going back to school, getting a degree and helping others 3 - again, because #1 is true, it's ok for people to be my friends. i am not evil or bad or broken or burned or damaged or any of that. i am acceptable in God's sight the same as the rest of the christians. Jesus died for me too. 4 - if all three of these are true, then i need not fear any sudden lightning strikes or cancer scares or anything else - God is not planning retribution on me. wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow